I have found a desire within myself that no experience in this world can satisfy; the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. – C.S. Lewis
Starting a post like this is really hard to write. I’ve had months to think, ponder and accept. So I’ll get straight to the point.
The last year, since moving back to Canada, I’ve had a change in heart. It’s hard to explain, but I’ll try my best. To be brutally honest, I was living in a world that was essentially all about “look at me”, “notice me”, and glorifying self and it left me feeling restless and longing. I was tired of dreaming up wild ideas that might lift my name higher, spending hours brainstorming months and years ahead for my little blog to maybe get just a little bit bigger. Hoping and waiting for the next adventure to come knocking on my door. It was a cycle that I needed to get out of because there was so much risk involved. I had a family, I had friends, a world of possibilities outside my own front door, but most importantly. Above all else, I felt I was neglecting my relationship with God.
It wasn’t until I heard someone say to me one day that the only way up is down. To let go of the things you cling so tightly to and trust that when you let go, there is peace and fulfillment. A total countercultural way of thinking, I know. But basically, my faith in God means that He is first in my life. That I would glorify His name, not mine. And as a blogger, it was impossible to do that. Because the truth is, there is too much temptation for fame. Money. Stuff. Lots and lots of stuff that pulled my eyes away from God and in this world that promised so much, it delivered nothing in return.
And so, I wrestled with this conviction. To let go of this blog I worked so hard on for five years. And at first, the thought that I was going to let this all go when things were finally picking up was insulting and out of the question. I mean, I was finally making an income, I was making all sorts of amazing connections and meeting all kinds of amazing people. But most importantly, I was doing something I was passionate about and working from home. A dream job! But still, the conviction grew in my heart until I was uneasy. Because all those things weren’t all that important in the bigger picture. Yes, it’s ok to have ambitions. But I was challenged to think about what the motivation behind those ambitions came out of. Were they to serve myself? Or God? And I can honestly say, they were to serve myself. And I knew that it was time to surrender it all to God. The one who knows all things. Who is sovereign over all things. It was time I made a statement of faith that says, I love God more than myself. I desired to serve Him not only by what I say, but action. It just wasn’t there. And it was time. I am happy, thankful and at peace with letting this blog go so that I can be the mom, wife, friend, daughter and woman that God has called me to be according to his plan. Not my own. It doesn’t mean I can’t work on the side to make some extra money for my family. It just means for me personally my days of self-promoting, self-serving, self-seeking, and overall self-centered world surrounding my blog were done.
I know many of you may not understand this. But it’s something I am so passionate about. It’s something that has given my life so much meaning, which is why I am letting go of Hello Lidy and closing the last chapter of this book. I am beyond thankful for the many years of support and love from all of you. Thank you for allowing me to share my passions for design and creativity with you over these past few years. You are all so dear to me and I hope that you would all find fulfillment in your lives as well. Life is so short. Don’t waste it away with the little temptations and the things this world promises to offer. Hold dear to what truly matter most. Family. Relationships. Good health. And if you believe in a greater purpose as I do, God. Goodbye for now dear friends! Love to you all.