Holding On

Holding On

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m on a roller coaster ride. All these sudden changes makes me want to hang on for dear life, close my eyes and scream during the twists and turns. I love these little ones God has trusted me with, but I feel so overwhelmed lately. It’s been 10 days. It’s been wonderful and crazy at the same time. The thing about adoption is that you feel so disconnected for the first while. Since we are fostering to adopt, there are so many things we can and can’t do right now. It’s hard to feel like they are ours during this time. Instead, it seems like this state of limbo. Like you’re babysitting, not so much parenting. If that makes sense. I have been blessed with an amazing two year old boy. He has such amazing character. He’s smart, expressive, helpful and so loving. But like so many two year olds, I am trying to figure out how to handle him during the ups and downs. I am trying to teach him right from wrong. I am trying to equip him with good manners and respect. It’s so much easier said than done. When we first got him, he was already such a good boy. I’ve learned so much about him already, but there’s so much I still don’t know. Here’s what I figured out so far: I feel so lucky when I take a step back to see how much this little man has accomplished so far on his own. I am in awe as to how smart he is. Even though he came...
Making Life Changes

Making Life Changes

It’s amazing how life can change overnight. Literally. A week ago, my husband and I were going out of town on little adventures, visiting family, going for dinners and movies. I could sit and do nothing or get everything done. Then, we got a call that would change our lives, for now or forever…. I’m not use to being called mom. I’m not use to being a mother. When you’re adopting you are trained in every way possible. I knew we would be getting a call soon, but it never hits you really.  Four days ago I was getting ready in the quiet of the house. I had all the time in the world. I washed my face, did my makeup, picked out what I would wear (a couple of times) and enjoyed a few cups of coffee. That was 4 days ago. Since then, I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth, washed my face, or if I changed out of my yoga pants yet. It might be these TWO little babes we brought home with us over the weekend. I never dreamed I would have two right away. Never mind a one year old and two year old. They are the most precious little things ever and I often find myself crying spontaneously. Maybe out of fear of the unknown or joy of having such good babies. Maybe because I’ve never heard a little voice call me mommy before, completely trusting in my every move. My life is over as I know it and it’s all for good! To be honest, I’ve been a wreck. I cry...
The Pieces

The Pieces

We are officially done our 6 weeks (18 hours) of certification in order to proceed with adoption! No words can express how we feel! It’s a bit bitter sweet, I truly enjoyed seeing the great staff and the new friends we met a long the way! They were a fantastic group of people! Now what, you might be asking yourself? Well, let me tell you! We have a few things left to do: – Medical Checkups (they want to make sure we won’t die after we finally adopt!)  – Some paperwork here and there…. – CPR training  – One more safety inspection – 2-3 Home studies  Then we are done!! I mean, done done! I cannot believe it. The list is getting shorter by the day and I am so overjoyed! I’m beginning to feel that panic mode….like the “nesting” phase pregnant women experience. I am ready to get the nursery together and get things organized around here!!!  Between now and then, I am trying to get my life in order. It seems to be getting more and more busy. I just started an amazing job at NYFotography, working for an amazing woman. I feel so blessed, she is completely understanding of my crazy life and super supportive. I’ve known her for about 2 days now…seriously, blessed. I am helping her with all sorts of things, but I am most excited about the opportunities to use my skills in graphic design. I already have a few little projects on my to-do list and I am excited for many more to come! I am still working hard at school and...
Baby Shower Minus the Bump

Baby Shower Minus the Bump

Over my stay in Canada, I had my first baby shower. It was amazing to say the least! So many old friends stopped in to support my husband and I in this amazing journey. As grateful as I am for EVERYTHING, I had some minor bumps this week. We received an email from some wonderful friends that they were expecting their first baby. This was GREAT news!!! But my heart still hurt because of reasons I find harder and harder to explain. I rejoice with them and their fantastic news! I don’t want to sound in any way ungrateful for our given circumstances, because I am not. I am as happy as an expectant mother! It’s just something most people will never understand, unless you’ve been in these shoes.    The morning of my baby shower, my house was busy as everyone cleaned and got stuff ready. I was so excited and oddly enough, nervous. It was as though this shower might jinx the whole process by having all this baby stuff. I was afraid it might be bad luck or something silly like that. I know. Weird that I would think this way. Do you not get to the point where you are so excited for something, you’re afraid it might never happened. That’s how it was for me!  I couldn’t shake this feeling as I mingled with all the guests. I knew this shower was for our baby and I, yet my womb was empty. As I opened each card and read the words that poured out of every single one, I realized something. They all had...
Baby Chronicles: Update

Baby Chronicles: Update

So yesterday we had our fourth meeting, which means we only have two more to go!  Can you believe it?! I don’t want to bore you with all the details, because there are many (which are so very helpful to us and not so interesting for you to hear!) It’s going by so quickly, even though the amount of work yet to be done is haunting me day and night! We have submitted most of our paper work, but still have a few things to submit and home studies to be done. This Friday we have our first safety inspection, which I spent most of my day hunting down the craziest of things. I went into Home Depot asking where to find fire extinguishers and smoke detectors. I kept asking the guy which ones he recommended ( I mean, there are a million things to choose from…seriously?!). He asked me how many fires I was expecting to have in the near future. I realized I looked kind of crazy, so I had to explain how we were adopting and this was part of the process. Obviously buddy, I’m going for mother of the year here! Well, two fire extinguishers and 6 smoke detectors later I was off to Baby’s R Us! I grabbed a first aid kit, some outlet plugs and cupboard locks. I stared at the cribs and strollers, but ditched that idea…too many choices, not enough time in the day!  I have to admit, I am starting to feel more and more exhausted. It’s not physically taxing, like you would expect in a pregnancy. It’s much more emotional...
Mood board: Part I

Mood board: Part I

I have a feeling I will be doing a lot of these, seeing as I love to decorate and plan! Part of the non-stressful part of adoption is getting the nursery ready! I love color and an assortment of decor, which I realize our baby will be overly stimulated! I’ve been on countless blogs looking for ideas. I don’t mind the matching Pottery Barn look, but my husband and I are very much eclectic and inspired by vintage. I wanted a bit of a modern look mixed with the old. I have been a follower of Girl’s Gone Child for some time now and I am absolutely in love with her twins nursery! That’s where I was inspired to stand out and not be afraid of a room with a bit of color, mixed patterns, various knick-knacks and walls full of art. I put together a mood board to stay focused on what I’m trying to accomplish. We are on  a bit of a budget, so we are looking for good finds and a FEW splurges!  Here we go: Mood Board part I 1. Keys Console: I really want to find an old dresser (like the look of this one) to repaint and have a little fun with. Perhaps put on mismatched knobs?! 2. IKEA Gulliver Crib: There are SO many cribs to choose from, but you can’t beat this price. For $99.00 you have a modern and cute crib for the babe. 3. Urban Outfitters Zigzag rug: I have this rug in black/white and I love it! I guess I might just need another one for the nursery! 4....
More baby talk

More baby talk

So, tonight was our second meeting at the adoption agency. Even though it’s only been our second time going, I feel like I’ve known these people a lot longer. The employees are AMAZING and the people you meet are wonderful!  I do have to say that this process is a long one and it is far from easy. I decided that these next few weeks/months are equivalent to pregnancy changes. In a way, I am slowly growing each week. Learning new things about myself and gearing up for what’s to come. I need to go for check ups and a WHOLE lot more than just a few doctors visits. Every facet of our life has to be thoroughly checked, but it’s all worth it. SO worth it.  I have my ups and downs….I’m an emotional woman, I’m not gonna lie. Here’s the kicker: I’m already drooling over baby stuff! I’m holding myself back from wanting to buy every cute thing I see. I’m dying to find out what we are having, but can’t. I mean, it’s just not possible (in the future, I WILL be the impatient pregnant woman that says YES when the doctor asks if we want to know the sex. End of discussion, I am THAT curious and need to plan these things out).  On a more serious note, I’ve learned a lot so far. My eyes have been opened to the pain some of these poor kids experience at such an early age. Even though my husband and I are adopting an infant, I can’t help but feel my heart ache as I hear gut...
Baby on the Way

Baby on the Way

*My sweet nephew a few weeks old Don’t get too excited, no we are not pregnant. Not yet anyway! I decided I would start documenting our story on my blog. This way I can keep my family and close friends up to date with our journey. Besides, it’s always a good thing to be able to look back and remember every detail of our baby’s story. Beware, this might get sappy and/or emotional! I’m sure I began our baby story on a previous post, but I’m gonna tell you again. It’s all a part of the journey. When we decided to try for a baby I thought it was going to be easy. I mean, it seemed like it for everyone else. I was so foolish to think it would be that way for us. I realize now, everyone is different and for reasons unknown. Nonetheless, we are who we are and our situations are as difficult as we allow them to be. So, it’s important to always be positive and try to remember all your blessings. After a year of no baby, I was reassured by doctors and friends that it was normal for these things to take time. So, we kept our chins up and pressed on. As more months went by with no change, I started researching ways to get my body prepared for having a baby. Like cutting out caffeine, taking folic acid and fun stuff like that. Let’s just say, the caffein thing didn’t last long. Still, things didn’t seem to change. I remember hearing friends and family announce their pregnancies, watch their bellies...
True Story

True Story

    So, it’s been a while since I last updated you on our baby chronicles. I call it that now, because I am slowly realizing it is indeed going to be a historical event as far as starting a family goes.    It has been a total of one year and ten months since we started trying for a family. I thought it was going to be easy, because for so many it seems like it is. I have had countless friends become pregnant, family members and still we are just the two us. But here is what I am learning through this whole thing:   + you can still smile at the end of the day + you don’t need to sweat the small stuff, it only leads to worrying and worrying leads to no where +enjoy where you are at, because it can all change in an instant +focus on what’s good and that will surely make you realize you are not unlucky at all +life is short, so don’t waste it on the what if’s +there are always a MILLION precious babies to love on, some need it more than you know   Yep, this is where I am at. I didn’t get there over night. There have been plenty tears and frustrations, but I have amazing people that surround me and love on us. Of course, I have the most amazing and loving husband any girl could ask for. He is such an encouragement and positive reinforcement in my life. Most of all, I am fortunate enough to have a faith so strong that this could not...
Did You Know

Did You Know

I wanted to dedicate this post this morning to the unknown, mysterious and hard thing about life. The not having control of or understanding why some things go smoothly and others not so much. I have been learning that life IS pain and sorrow, but the battle can be won and we can live on being happier than we can imagine. What a lot of people don’t know is that 12 months ago, my husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. And like so many other couples out there, we thought in a month or two we would be peeing on a stick and taking pictures of a positive sign. It would be perfect and all our family and friends would be happy for us. Unfortunately, that’s the thing about life. You don’t know what’s going to happen and it’s not always as easy as 1-2-3. We went on witnessing others go through a new sense of joy, as they announced their pregnancy to births. We are ALWAYS happy for our friends, because babies are miracles. No matter who has them. My husband and I might feel that brief sadness each month its a no go, but we know that we are blessed in so many other ways. I am learning that things always happen for a reason and I need to enjoy this testing time in my life. If you are like us, hoping for something thats not necessarily in your control, take heart. Enjoy this time in your life. Be grateful for the blessings you do have. Remember you aren’t alone in your...
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