I know it’s been a long time since I last updated you on our adoption story. For that, I am sorry. To be honest, my hearts been so heavy I never knew where to start and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. Our adoption has been moving a long as it should be, just painfully slow. And to top it off, things have gotten more complicated. Tomorrow I am scheduled to meet with a group of people involved in this whole process and I may be coming home with our third, sweet baby. Yes, tomorrow we might no longer be that family of four I’ve been talking about the last 8 months.
Our hearts have been ready for this for some time. Ever since we found out mom was pregnant, we decided we would keep as many of the siblings together as we could. We would take the baby in happily, if it meant they would be together. Still, nothing can ever prepare you for when you go from 0 to 3 kids in under a year. I am excited and afraid all at the same time. I know we can do this, there’s just so much emotion invested into each and every one of our children. But I am hopeful. More hopeful than I’ve ever been, even as things continue to become more trivial.
Our future is part of the great unknown. I take it day by day. Sometimes minute by minute. And as life continues to give us curve balls, I clench tightly all the more. My eyes look up to the one who is “eternal, limitless, invisible, wise and only God – who reached down from His throne to direct my path and who will certainly prove Himself” (Streams in the Desert).
As for our two little ones – they continue to grow in their personalities. It’s such a joy to watch. They are so full of love and light. I am left breathless as I listen to their millionth “I love you mommy”. My heart breaks. I am so grateful for it. I love them so much and I hope they never doubt that. I hope they never feel like they are less than perfect. I hope that any harm that may have happened in their past will be erased from their memories and they build a new foundation that is so solid and sure. How did we get so lucky?
My husband said to me the other day, when I look out to our future I am afraid. But I have peace and assurance knowing that whatever comes, we will always be together. I feel exactly the same way.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
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