The Mother Part

The Mother Part

Adoption

The truth is, the past year or two has been some of the hardest years I’ve had to face so far. It’s not because of one pivotal moment that shifted the course of my life, but rather a compilation of things that has caused a vicious storm. One where I cling to my boat with all my might, my nails digging in deep to keep from being lost forever. Out in the sea of all my troubles and woes. 

There are so many little issues in my life, it was manageable at one time. When we decided to adopt, I knew it was going to be hard and at times it would feel impossible. And so we went in prepared, knowing what to expect and not allowing for those surprises. But what hurt the most, the thing I never saw coming was how different I would feel. How relationships would fold and how those little issues in our life would become mountains in the end. 

The thing is, if I had become pregnant things would be a lot more different. I would fit in with all my friends. I would pose for pictures and hold my belly. I would have all my family gather at the doctors as we excitingly discovered the gender of our little baby. We would throw a gender reveal party and cut a cute cake. We would have showers galore and play all those fun pregnancy games. I would feel and look the part. The mother part. 

But the truth is, I stood alone in a corner watching all the other women celebrate and smile for pictures. Pictures that would go in their baby albums forever. I watched as they cut the cakes and discovered a sweet baby boy or girl. I attended the endless baby showers and played all the endless games. I listened to all the moms exchange their birthing stories and laugh about things only a pregnant woman would know. 

But when you are adopting, things are so untraditional, complicated, confusing, no one knows what to do. And you miss out on all those little things that make you feel special. Normal. Your babies miss out on being passed around. Snuggled. Spoiled. Celebrated. Because adoption is a messy thing. You don’t know who you will bring home. What gender or age. What ethnicity or past. No baby pictures or belongings. Just a face known only to the system. 

And after a while, adoption loses it’s appeal. People forget and move on. There is no count down to a due date. Just a future of the unknown.  And the unknown scares people. 

And the saddest part is, you end up being alone in the end. I watch. I listen. I force a smile. Fight back tears. Say the right things. Pretend I feel normal. I try desperately to look the part. Act the part. But there’s no use. I am not normal by any means.

But what is it about being a non-traditional mother that leaves you feeling so different? 

The thing is, I felt like a mother the first day we brought our little ones home. I felt that twang of emotion when I first held our two month old baby boy. And I’ll still cry when they go to their first day of kindergarten. I’ll be concerned when they go on their first date. I’ll be excited when they find the one they want to marry. I’ll be a basket case watching them walk down the isle. I’ll celebrate when they have their own children – natural OR adopted. 

I’ll be acting the part. The mother part. Because I love my babies. They are my very own. No matter how the world may accept and treat us. They will forever be my own. 

XOXO, Lidy

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Adventure Awaits
DIY Triangle Stamped Tea Towel
  • Donna

    OK … so I’m sitting here crying as I read this! You are, my sweet friend, those babies’ mother in every sense of the word … the one who birthed them into her heart and into her life and into the life God had planned for them. You are not just acting the part, you are the mom.

    • HelloLidy

      Thank you so much Donna :) It is hard to feel like it at times, just how different the world makes you feel. But I know in my heart the truth and that is all that should matter. Thank you for reminding me that I am mom in every sense of the word XOXO

  • Heather Duguay

    Oh my beautiful friend. You are more of a mother than many I have seen with ‘natural’ babies. You were prepared to have children, you desperately wanted them. That is a gift in its own sense. It means you truly treasure your moments, their firsts…your firsts…every ounce of them you cherish. You dont take your children for granted. You try your hardest every single time. You have overflowing love and acceptance for who your children are…and will be. You make mistakes, and learn as you go…..THAT is the definition of a mother. And I believe you inspire others to hang in there when the road is rough. You are not only touching the lives of those 3 precious babies but many mamas from all walks of life.

    Plus…no one ever likes playing shower games anyway. 😉

    Love you!

    • HelloLidy

      Thanks Heather! I appreciate you my friend :) I am so happy we were able to hang out a little bit during Christmas. You have always been so positive and encouraging. Love you!

      XOXO

  • Rebecca Akers Hill

    The hurt with baby showers – and birth stories, and pregnancy complaints – will fade, though maybe never go away completely. The time will come when you will feel no different than any other mother. You will know it is all as it should be. And then one of them will hit the other and you’ll yell at them and feel a failure again. Or maybe that’s just me. In many ways, adoption makes you abruptly a mother, whereas pregnancy gives you some time to grow into it. Many of us mamas-via-adoption still need the time to grow into our confident mam selves. You’ll get there. And then the world’s opinion will be so much less important.

    • HelloLidy

      Thank you so much Rebecca for this. It’s so good to know that one day everything won’t feel so raw and that it will fade with time. I am really looking forward to the day when I don’t feel that my being different is a negative thing :) Again, thank you so much for your thoughtful words!

      XOXO

  • Peggy W

    I am sitting here reading through your blog for the very first time… found via a picture on pinterest. Now I find myself completely and totally engrossed… wanting to reach out and say thank you, to give you a hug, and to let you know that are a mom, more so than some who had children “naturally.” You have make a choice in your heart to love these children, an intentional act. You are their mother in every sense of the word… they are the children of your heart! So my dear there is no acting on your part, you are their mother! I could go on and on but I won’t… the last thing I want to say is THANK YOU! Thank you loving these precious sweet souls!

    • HelloLidy

      Thank you Peggy, I am so happy you found my blog. And I am so happy you shared your encouraging words with me – it truly means more than you could know! I do feel so much better having shared that with all of you, then when I first sat down to write this post. So thankful for the friends I have made along this journey – thank you again for your sweet words :)

      XOXO

  • Viviana

    I’ve been following you for quite some time and really love A. how incredibly crafty you are!! B. how honest you are. Thank you for keeping it real on your blog. My wife and I began the process of adoption and chickened out. We felt so terrible about it but after attending some classes realized it’s not for us. We work long hours, don’t have any family near us to help and don’t think we are strong enough to endure such a struggle. Our situation is not the same as yours but in some ways we can relate. For the record, your home looks amazing, your kids are beyond adorable and you are really an inspiration! Xoxo

    • HelloLidy

      Thank you so much Viviana for your kind and encouraging words. It’s true, adoption isn’t for everybody and there is no guilt in that. We were told right off the bat that adoption is not for the faint of heart. I didn’t know what they meant then, but I sure do now. I think it’s important to be honest with yourself about adoption, in the long run it’s good for you and everyone involved. Thanks again for your sweet words, it’s such an honor to know that my readers really do see the real me through my blog and it’s a pleasure to meet amazing people a long the way! I hope you come back soon :)

      XOXO

  • angael

    I came here at night…looking for DIY
    you gave me some light with this “texte de coeur”
    merci.

    • HelloLidy

      Angael, thank you. I am so happy you were able to leave with a little light after reading this post. It’s my pleasure :)

      XOXO

  • Oh Lidy! I can’t add much more than what your other commentators have already said so well, but I still want to say, my thoughts are with you! You ARE your children’s mother, and clearly a wonderful one. You are all so blessed to have each other. While I don’t at this stage in my life see children in my future, I have always thought that, should I change my mind, adoption would be the way for me. I can only imagine (and read about) all the struggles this entails, but you are obviously doing something right–in every photo of your kids, I can really see the love and joy in their eyes!!

    • HelloLidy

      Thank you so much friend! I am thankful you can see the love coming from all our photo’s that we share. We are so blessed to have these sweet babies in our lives. I never knew I was capable of such strong emotions! It’s a hard journey on different levels, but I never regret it. Never. Thank you for your encouraging words and reminder that no matter how people may treat us as parents, I am still “mom” to my babies :)

      XOXO

  • EB

    I have recently found your blog and have read every single one of your posts on your beautiful family, and I just had to reach out! It breaks my heart that you have been made to feel different to any other mother. The only difference I see is that instead of growing in your stomach, they grew in your heart. Although I have never met you nor do I know you, just from reading your blog it is painfully clear that you are an amazing lady with so much strength. What an inspiration! Those gorgeous kids are so lucky to have you just as you are so lucky to have them. Thank you for reminding me never to take anything for granted, I will hug my baby boy extra tight tonight. xx

    • HelloLidy

      Hi EB! Thank you so much for following along on my adoption journey! I am so happy you are here and that you are feeling moved by my posts. I am SO thankful for your words and appreciate them in ways I cannot begin to express. It is so encouraging to hear these wonderful comments from my readers :) So grateful you stumbled upon my blog!

      XOXO
      Lidy

  • I love this. I’m leaning towards adoption vs. pregnancy, if I ever even make it that far in the family-life. This was a very different, yet touching, perspective of what to expect while everyone else around you has the ‘glow’. I’m sure you had the glow too, just a more intense one. :)

    • HelloLidy

      Thanks Barbara! I really did have a different kind of glow for sure – and the best part is, it’s the kind that never wears off! Every day I look at my children in a new light. They are such a gift, such a blessing. I am truly taken back at how wonderful they are as little human beings and it’s so fun to realize that even though they are not biological, they are exactly like my husband and I!

      XO

  • Mother in Memphis

    Love your blog, Lidy, I have an adopted brother and sister, and I have never felt they could ever not be a part of my family. And I always dreamed I would adopt a child one day. So after two marriages, and 5 children, I thought I had missed my opportunity until my son invited a child into our home who was a foster child, then living with his mother. About a month later, this child’s mother died of breast cancer and he was placed back in foster care. Since he and my son were still friends, we asked that he continue to spend weekends at our house. But after a year of the nightmares of listening to what was going on inside the foster parent family, we finally pushed for this child to join our family. He was 11 then, now he is a Junior at Pepperdine University in Malibu,Ca, and even though it has been a rough road, which continues to have bumps and curves, we believe he might actually make it. When people ask me why we decided to do this, (which I get asked all the time) I try to relate it to a war zone. If a woman carrying a child in a war zone walked past me, and then the woman was gunned down, I would grab the child and run, as hopefully most people would- you wouldn’t leave the child in the street- and even though this child had several family members in the area, no one wanted him. We feel lucky to have him as a part of our family…His older sisters dote on him and his older brother (who lives in LA) keeps an eye on him, and his younger brother misses him since he attends a different college. We visit CA often, and cherish the holidays when all our kids come back to Memphis. I will cry at his wedding too, and I hope he gives me lots of grandchildren. Enjoy.

    • HelloLidy

      Thank you so much for sharing your story! That takes a special kind of courage and faith to do what you did. Anyone can easily take in a baby or young child, but not a lot of people would take in an older child. You had a heart for the broken and you made a huge difference in his life. Even though there are struggles, which there would be no matter if he was yours biologically or not, you allowed him to have a better path and a brighter future. I am really touched by what you shared, so thank you for being so open and honest about your journey! Also, I should mention, that it’s pretty neat to see just how much we can learn from them as well and how much they impact our lives. I know I am on a better path because of the things my kids have taught me on this whole journey! Hope that makes sense :)

      XOXO

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